Oops I'm a parent!

• A job is something that is given to you, whereas a career is something that is created by you.
• A job is a short-term position to earn money, while a career is the work that you do over a longer period of time, usually with the goal of advancing and building skills in a particular field.
• A job requires education and skills, while a career needs specialisation in a specific field.
• A job is a means for securing the needs of life, but a career is an end in itself, i.e. what a person endeavours until he/she retires.

Hi, I'm Sofia - proud mama of one 💕 I’ve always flown solo - juggling a career – both professionally AND as a parent, family and life! Jack of all trades and unfortunately master of none, but optimistic as hell!

My bubs just turned 21 years (not 21 months) ..., and he's kicked my pedestal to the curb, as he ventures into being a fully-fledged adult. My boy is independent, strong-willed, argumentative, optimistic, kind and annoyingly charming! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so that's one of the hardest or nicest truths to swallow that you'll hopefully not choke on... your kids are usually a reflection of you! EEEEK! 😯

Parenting styles have changed through the years. I parented under the heavy influence of Jo Frost – a UK nanny who had a tv series called 'The Supernanny’! Like most first time parents, you hang on to every word of the latest most popular theory on how to bring up your child. This of course is intertwined with a firm determination to exclude all the things that you believe that your parents did wrong. OMG I was so self-righteous - I cringe at most of my beliefs back then!

I was also fixated on developmental stages - what my child should be doing at what age, high fived myself when he reached a milestone, puffed out my chest when he exceeded them, and felt like a failure when he missed one. I based everything on someone else's opinion, trying to create a perfect clone based on these ideals. So, for me the judging began early - that's when I looked at parenting as a project with passes, fails and work-on's. The cycle of ‘I'm a failure’ began here. I look back now and think WTF, why do we do this to ourselves, instead of just enjoying the special moments that you have as a parent.

Through this, I actually forgot about my baby, ‘cos I was so consumed with creating perfection... all the things that I sadly wasn't and wanted him to be. I wasn't embracing or seeing that my bub was a unique and special wee individual. What was I thinking?! If I could do it again, I would've been kinder to myself, been more objective and allowed my own parenting instincts to naturally evolve and develop.

Under Jo's influence I believed in using the naughty mat or corner, and to be honest, I may have overused that one! Sometimes I felt that I shouldn't use it, but my need to bring up a good child who knew boundaries and knows what's unacceptable behaviour overrode my instincts. What didn’t occur to me back then is that what makes great television is usually the extreme cases of behaviour, and my son didn't have that – he was just being a kid. If I had looked at my son as an individual, I would’ve seen that he is a combination of both me and his father, and knowing both of our traits, I should have known this was not an effective way to teach him. I didn't need a mat or a corner, especially one named ‘naughty’. Knowing him as I do, all I needed to do is say, ’Mama doesn’t like that because...’, and he would've stopped. The lesson is, no one knows your child better than you do, and they have inherited your traits. As a child, I couldn't keep still for 3 seconds let alone 3 minutes so my expectations of him was unrealistic, and the naughty mat was never gonna work.

But one of the goodies that I did do is on-demand feeding, and now I can see my son has a great relationship with food, though I'm still trying to figure out if it's pure laziness or my parenting that has resulted in him only eating when he's hungry! 😄

What I've also developed through my 21 years of parenthood is retrospect - a sense of humour, with a desire to educate and to share the honest truths of ‘the good, the bad and the ugly’ of parenting. I strongly believe that we all want to be perfect parents, but that is an unrealistic expectation for you and your child. We all make mistakes, I've made so many - some funny, some stupid and some... what the hell was I thinking! I will share these all with you, ‘cos now I am at the stages of:

‘if I was to do it all over again what will I do differently’

‘what I wouldn't change’, and

‘what are the gems that I now know’.

My son was unexpected - yes, but I've learnt that what is unexpected is a gift in disguise; a miracle you are blessed with. Once you start unwrapping, you can see the treasure that lies within! My treasure has been both challenging and rewarding and has taught me so many life lessons. Being a mum has been worth it. Every day my son, even at 21 years old, gives me a hug and tells me that he loves me, and the last thing that we say to each other before we leave the house is ‘I love you’!

This is going to be a regular staple, a blog of non-judgement, with oodles of laughter, love and understanding. Through ‘Oops I’m a parent’, the name of my blog, I will unapologetically share the mistakes I’ve made, what I have learned, and share experiences of my roller coaster parenting journey! But not only that, you'll also learn about me as a human being. I've always juggled a parenting and professional career, also studying, and looking after my terminally ill mother; all while being a single parent. My life has been full of challenges, heartache, but always joy and humour! My life experiences have taught me to be candid, honest, resilient, and always kind and loving. I have tips and tricks on every stage of parenting too of course, cos I've been through it all and I have some goodies. I am a certified child restraint technician, with years of experience working for two successful juvenile brands. I get how baby gear can be confusing, so you can be assured that I understand how you feel, and I will give you some advice if you need!

This is who I am, and this is what I bring to the table.

😍 I would love you to be part of my ’Oops I'm a parent’ community.

My next blog post will be on ‘Was I ready to be a mum’. This one will be very tough for me to be honest, but as promised, I'll be real and tell you how it was – no holds barred!

Sofia 🩷